Shake it Off
When something goes terribly wrong in my 3-year-old's world (tripping on the sidewalk, walking into a wall, losing a bowl of McDonald's fries to the dog because she put it on the floor), I often tell her to "shake it off". Sometimes I have to tickle her, other times this turns into a little dance of her giggling and physically "shaking off the bad stuff". This almost always works, and within moments she is on to the next thing.
The other morning my husband and I had a bit of a disagreement. It was one of those subjects we've "agreed to disagree" about and seldom comes up. It was a crazy time to have this talk, as he was getting ready for a trip to DC, and I had to shower, get the kids up and get the older one ready for nursery school. Knowing this, and finally having some years of experience under our belt, we got through it rather effeciently and tried to make up before we got on with our day. To make matters worse for me, though, was the fact that I had been up since 4am with my screaming 9 month old. (Found out later that day that she had raging infections in both ears)
I was proud of us, thinking that we'd come a long way in communicating over our 10 years of marriage. But by the time I was driving back from nursery school at 9:15am, I felt totally drained and a little down. This disagreement was not a big deal, but I couldn't let it go - I couldn't shake off the bad feelings.
The rest of the day went on as usual - picked up 3-year old from school, fed the kids lunch, realized baby had a fever, went to doctor, went to Rite Aid, came home. I have the blessing of good friends in the neighborhood who picked up the older one and took her to playgroup so the baby could sleep. So I had a few moments alone with my thoughts again. I still felt less than happy, but at this point I realized a lot of it had to do with being beyond exhausted, and just being a little more stressed than normal, and perhaps a tad PMS (yes, this does make a difference). I was determined to get out of this by the time Anna came back from playgroup, and especially by the time my husband got home from his trip that night. I had to mentally will myself to "let it go" - told myself over and over to just get over it - had to turn on happy music, make a cup of tea, and yes, I prayed, not only to ask God for help, but to thank him for my blessings. I have friends who are going through some difficult things right now, and I am incredibly thankful that, for the moment, my life is pretty darn great.
And then I felt calm again. Not giddy, but at least like I had regained my perspective and gotten back to a healthier place.
I think, at least for me, it is absolutely possible to control my thoughts. It's not easy, but it's possible. It's hard work to get rid of the bad and the negative junk that creeps in - it's everywhere - and it takes practice, like anything, to be successful. I have a mental picture - if you've ever read C.S. Lewis's "The Screwtape Letters", you have this image of the devil really working at each of us throughout the day - and I could picture him sitting next to me, whispering all that garbage in my ear as I was sitting in traffic, holding my crying baby, fielding a fit from my 3-year old, and waiting in the crowded doctor's office. But he doesn't have to win. If you work hard and make it a practice to give that emotional brain space over to God instead, everything becomes much, much clearer.
And it describes just what was wrong with ME all day!!! (Ah, if only I had prayed an extra rosary...)
- Sarah (snoringscholar.blogspot.com) (Comment this)