Children & Chocolate and Other Paths to God

Last night, after finally getting the 4-year-old to settle down with a way-too-long Winnie the Pooh book, my husband and I crawled into bed ourselves, and had the following sleepy exchange:

Me: "Goodnight, Pooh."

Hubby: "Goodnight, Piglet."

Me: "Piglet? I don't think you should ever call a woman Piglet..."

Hubby: "Oh, but calling me a fat, dimwitted bear is better? What's wrong with Piglet? He's cute..."

Me: "He's a pig. How about Christopher Robin? And I'll be Tigger?"

Hubby: "I don't want to be the kid that wears knickers and runs through the forest talking to stuffed animals. Why can't I be Tigger? You could be Eeyore or Kanga?"

Me: "Nobody wants to be Eeyore. He's miserable. And poor Kanga was a single mom. Where the heck is Roo's father anyway?"

Hubby: "Wow, not a lot of redeeming characters in that group. Roo's sweet and innocent though. Clearly our daughter is Roo..."

Me: "We'll just both have to be Tigger."

Hubby: "Yeah, Tigger's the only happy one. There should be more Tiggers in the world..."

Okay, I rarely get political, but I nearly lost my breakfast when I read this story this morning: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080530/ap_on_re_as/myanmar. It begins "Myanmar's military government is removing cyclone victims from refugee camps and dumping them near their devastated villages with virtually no aid supplies, the United Nations said Friday."
 
I know there is evil in the world, and like many people, I've only been introduced to Myanmar in the last few weeks, so I admit upfront that I'm no expert on this situation. However, it is still astonishing to me that a ruling group can so publicly wipe out hundreds of thousands of people with the world watching on CNN.

And it's easy to see where this is leading. While I'm not a pro-war advocate by any means, you know full well that the U.S. will feel the need to go in and do something in Myanmar. I agree with people who say that the U.S. gets too involved in other countries' problems, but I don't think it's possible to sit by and do nothing for these victims.

Which is why you HAVE to pray for our leaders. I know people are critical of George Bush, and I didn't vote for the guy either, but I think that if what the media shows the public is sickening, and assuming that he knows much, much more than we do about what's going on, Bush must feel pretty sick most of the time. I honestly believe the guy does what he thinks is right, for the right reasons.  At the end of the day, being a good leader is about doing what is right for people, not about being popular.

As a Christian, I'm torn on this. I pray hard for these people, and I don't believe in war, but how do you help these people without military force? These evil types of leaders need to be stopped, and to sit idly by just doesn't seem possible. Even donating money to Unicef doesn't seem to help here since the aid isn't getting to the victims anyway.
 
What is there to do? (Really, I'm asking for ideas here...)

Pray hard for the leaders of the world so that they can work on this problem together. Ask for God's blessings for the people of Myanmar who are undoubtedly suffering a great deal as we sit sipping our Starbuck's this morning.  Help us, Lord, to know what each of us can do to aid these people.

I remember reading awhile back on another blog about this woman who did monthly resolutions instead of yearly resolutions. As I seem to forget what I've resolved to do after two weeks, this seems like a very good idea to me.

So, my June resolutions are:

1.) To recycle every time. Really, I don't know what my problem is with this. Sometimes it just drives me nuts to have the pile of cans or bottles next to the sink (there's no room for a recycling bin inside the house), so I just toss them in the trash. This is bad, bad, bad!

2.) To work out at least three days a week. Not that I needed much more motivation than putting on my bathing suit for the first time yesterday, but my mommy friends have me hooked on the idea of running a 5K with them sometime this summer. Of course, they're already runners and I'll need an oxygen tank to get to the end of my street, but it's going to be worth the effort. I found a jog/walk program online called "The Couch to 5K Running Plan" that should get me in some kind of shape in eight weeks. (See it at http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml) I even went out and bought myself a pretty purple pair of running shoes today. It's all about the fashion, right? (uh, really, if you know me, you know I'm just kidding...) Anyway, my daughter likes them.

3) To South Beach Diet. I've done this before and felt great. It takes a small effort to get the right foods in the house and to get the bread/cookies/ice cream out of my head, but I always have more energy when I'm eating right. I don't go totally strict, but even just doing the "phase 2" part is an improvement to my health. My mom is diabetic, and I'd like to do what I can now to not become one myself.

And that's about all I can handle right now. Not that there aren't other things I can do to self improve (oh, where do I begin!), but let's just start small and see how we do. Wish me luck!

I have been doing a lot of thinking the last few months about forgiveness and what that means. As a Christian we all know that forgiving, and being forgiven, lies at the core root of our faith. We also know that it can sometimes be a little difficult to do. I am starting to think, however, that like many other good habits, it just takes some practice.

One thing that made it so easy for Jesus to forgive others is that he never got offended to begin with. This was a revelation to me, and over the last year I've been watching and trying to learn how to successfully do this.

In my experience, there are three ways to not be offended by others:

1. Realize that it's rarely about you. I believe that most people are pretty self absorbed, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, just a fact. Moms are concerned about their families, people are concerned about their jobs, or their health, or their relationships, and are often just trying to do what is best for them. Everyone has their own problems and their own dramas, and I just never assume that I know what goes on behind closed doors in anyone's life.

2. Rethink your expectations of others. I think we all suffer from thinking that everyone should behave the way we would. "Do unto others as you would have done unto you", right? Well, what is okay treatment for you may not work for someone else. We all have our unique backgrounds, experiences, culture and baggage, and it's tough to assume that everyone is working on the same standard of appropriate behavior.

3. Understand that not everyone is nice, but they're still loved by God. As I read different story books to my daughter, she often asks questions about behavior. "Why dat man/troll/cat mean?" she says. I usually tell her that it's because they're scared, or lonely, or tired, but sometimes people just aren't nice and we don't know why. Something happened deep in their past that only months of therapy would be able to figure out, or maybe it's something physical. We can try to understand, but we just can't even begin to scratch the surface on some people's issues. The only thing we can do if we're on the receiving end of meanness is to remember that they are still children of God, and we must treat them as He would. Help where you can, pray for them, and don't be offended. 

As a side note, I have to say this is much more difficult where children are concerned. Just to see someone, adult or child, be mean to my child (or any child) in any way makes my blood boil, and I'm sure there will be more experiences as they grow. To be honest, I don't know yet how I'm going to deal with this. What makes it possible for adults to handle meanness is self confidence and a sense of worth and knowing they are loved. I'm hoping that instilling these things in my children will insulate them a bit from people who would hurt them. But I digress...

Two other things on being offended worth mentioning. (Forgive the lists, but it's the only way I could organize my thoughts...)

1. They could be reacting to you. Not being offended by others isn't meant to let you off the hook. Try to understand if you have hurt them in some way, or if there has been some misunderstanding on both ends. Good communication is a skill, and not everyone has it, but you still have to try.

2. You shouldn't tolerate abusive behavior. While #3 above still applies, there is an addendum. When the level of mean escalates into anything resembling verbal/physical/mental abuse, realize that you can simultaneously forgive and do what is best for you/your family. Forgiveness in this case means that you can wish them well, pray for them, even still love them, but remove them from your life and move on.

It took me some time to absorb and really practice all of this. Most of the time, it's amazing to me how well it works. Forgiveness is easy if you're never offended, and it can seriously change your life. But sometimes it's hard not to get angry when we feel we've been wronged. What I've learned is that it's okay to be mad. Do you think Jesus never got mad? Sure he did. There were people treating him, and other people, badly all the time.

What's worth noting here is what he didn't do when this happened: he didn't blow the situation out of proportion, he didn't take his anger out on anyone else, and he didn't hold a quiet grudge. Personally, I've found this to be the absolute most difficult thing to learn. In my case, it's usually my poor husband who bears the brunt of my anger over something, and even if I recognize it and warn or apologize for it, it's something I'm constantly working on.

What he did do is communicate and pray, and always forgive. It's a tall order, but it's worth striving for.

This past Sunday was Mother's Day, or "Mudder's Day", as it's known in our house. I got breakfast in bed - scrambled eggs, sausage, toast and orange juice. The 4-year-old crawled into bed with me and proceeded to eat all of my sausage, and then my toast. However, I thought this food stealiing was somewhat fitting. Isn't sacrificing for your children what motherhood is all about?

And then she gave me the card that she and my hubby worked on together on Saturday. The cover reads "Mommy! Get us some milk!". I guess that about sums up my purpose in this house :-)

Hope you all had a great Mudder's Day too.

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The 4-year-old was in the kitchen with my hubby and I overhead the following exchange:

Daughter: "Scuse me."

Dad: "Why? What'd you do?"

Daughter: "My butt burped."

"Bumping into Jesus" was one of many religious catch phrases a friend and I were discussing this morning at a retreat.  While I never would've have said this before, I've been thinking about this all day and have suddenly discovered that I've been bumping into Jesus for years.

God is with all of us, all the time, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. Sinner or saint, man or woman, young or old, nice or mean, open-minded or running in the opposite direction, God is always attempting to commune with us. He is constantly sending us messages and signs, each and every day.  Just as God made each of us unique, I believe the way he chooses to communicate with each of us is unique as well. It's all a matter of recognizing it when you see/hear it. And like learning any new language, the more you us it, the easier it is to read.

So I started thinking back to when I first saw God's hand at work.

It was the beginning of the summer of 1985 and I was 15. My father, for reasons I no longer remember, took a week or two tour around the country to visit his family. He went to Michigan and then to California to spend some time with his two sisters, their families, and to visit with his mother and step-father. Several weeks later Tim, one of my favorite older cousins, (from this side of the family), for what I recall was just a "need to get away" planned a trip to New Jersey to visit with my family during the last week of August. 

August came and we drove my brother back up to Boston for his sophmore year of college. I came back with my parents and a few days later my cousin came to visit. I was just a kid, and it's now been so long, I can't recall if this was a scheduled procedure or what, but my dad went in the hospital for angioplasty on some partially blocked arteries in his heart. Long story short, his heart stopped and he died.

While the experience was surreal to a 15 year old, there were three things that struck me even then. First, that my dad felt this overwhelming desire to visit every member of his immediate family that summer. At the time I thought that he "just knew", but now I see it as part of God's plan. Second, that God sent my cousin Tim to be with my mother and I during this difficult time (especially since my brother was away). And third, well, it's going to sound strange.

You see, there was this cat. I remember all of the adults being inside the house, people visiting, crying, dropping off food, etc. I was sitting alone on the front steps of my house. At this point, I was mainly crying because it tore me up to see my mother cry (I had never seen her cry before), and I was still in shock.  Being a teenager, I also just didn't know what to do with myself in this situation. So I sat outside, trying to catch my breath, and along comes this cat out of the bushes. He walks right up to me and starts purring and winding himself in and out of my knees until I pet him. I sat there and cried to this poor animal like there was no tomorrow. Then I had to go inside, and I guess he went away. Next day, same thing, and for a few days after. A week or so went by, the out of town folks went home, my brother went back to school, and my mom and I tried to move on with life. I saw the cat in the back of the yard once or twice, and then I never saw him again.

Okay, yes, it was just a stray cat. At the time, however, I was convinced it was my dad's way of comforting me. His way of visiting me and giving me a way to grieve, and to tell me things would be okay. Twenty-odd years later, I am more than certain this was bigger than that - it was my father and God together, communicating the way that only God can, in a way that only I understood.  I not only "bumped" into Jesus here, I cried on his shoulder!

Unfortunately my dad was gone before I was old enough to know him, so I spent the next ten or so years of my life trying to get glimpses through the books he owned. I started with some on religion and philosphy (many of which were way, way over my head), and finally found "Illusions" by Richard Bach. I've since read this book a million times over, as it not only spoke volumes to me about God, life, and finding yourself, but it always made me feel close to my dad when I held it in my hand. 

As the years have gone by, I've had plenty of "signs" from my dad during times I was missing him. As I tried to articulate through tears this morning, the most recent was a few weeks ago in Washington DC.

My brother and his family were visiting, and I took them and my 4 year old to the Air & Space Museum in DC. It was near the end of our visit and my sister-in-law took my three nephews to the flight simulators, while my brother, daughter and I opted to explore another exhibit.

We ended up in the air craft carrier section, which we thought was interesting since our dad had served as a medic on the Bon Homme Richard. We wandered through, my brother reading every sign like he does, and at one point we happened upon a plane suspended from the ceiling directly in front of us. On the side of the plane was written "Bon Homme Richard" - meaning this plane was part of the aircraft carrier that my father served on. (I'm sure there were several with the same name over the years, so impossible to know if it was the exact same one or not- either way, we were moved by this) Suddenly I was immersed in thoughts of my dad. I looked around to see videos of these carriers, pieces of the insides of these boats, and I was surrounded by what a portion of my dad's life was like when he was a young man.

Then my daughter got restless, and I was a little more emotional than I'd like to be in the middle of a museum, so I went to wait for my nephews outside the flight ride. I sat on this long bench with the 4-year-old on my lap and looked up at the beautiful exbihit on the wall. In the middle of the wall in foot-high letters was a quote from "Illusions" by Richard Bach. I can't remember what it said, the book is about a prophet who is a pilot, so it obviously had to do with flight, and life and soaring spirits, but it simultaneously reduced me to tears while providing the comfort I needed at that moment. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I don't believe in coincidence. That was a message from my dad, through God - "I see you. I'm here. Take comfort."

How amazing of God to meet me at the museum?

And after this rather long post, I hope you can look back and see a few places where God has met you already, but perhaps you didn't realize it at the time. Open your eyes. Open your heart. Or don't. God will keep trying to communicate with you, over and over and over...